Welcome to the world Riley Thomas Commens

Tuesday night on the 10/11/10 Riley made his grand enterance at 7:22pm weighing 7pounds 7 ounces with a length of 55cm. Birth Story and pics to come.

Still here...

Well after being in hospital for 5 days I was let out only to0 go back last night for high blood sugar levels....after more testing I was sent home but need to see the endocronologist next week. While I was in hospital the first time I was diagnosed with gall stones, high blood pressure, a failing liver, too much protein and to top it off I also have gestational diabetes. My body really isn't coping with being pregnant and am told it's because of the hormones that my body is resisting insulin my body is trying to make. I have been seeing the high risk dr every week and it looks like I will need to be put on insulin injections and bub will be induced early with the possibility of him going straight to the NICU because his sugar levels will be low and will need round the clock feeding through a tube...he's been my lil trooper so far and looks like he is doing fine. Toodles has been back in Mackay working hard and will be coming down in a week for a visit...am looking forward to it since I haven't seen her in 3 weeks and she has been stressing about me and her lil boy.

I've landed my self in hospital already!

Yesterday I was admitted to hospital with high blood pressure, high heart rate, too much protein and my liver was not working the way it's supposed to. The specialists say that I could possibly have pre-eclampsia and need to keep the bub in till 33 weeks (1 and a half weeks away) or I will be transfered to a bigger hospital. Baby looks fine though it's just me with the problem..bleh. Bub is weighing around 4 pound 5 and is measuring bigger then his due date, they also gave me a steroid shot to mature bubs lungs just in case. I was visiting mum for a week with the intention of taking the kids back with me on the plane this morning but the poor kids have been shafted to the grandparents house. Toodles will be coming down for a week but I will have to stay with mum until the baby arrives as I cannot fly. Fingers crossed everything is fine.

12 weeks to go!

I haven't blogged in a while..not much happening up here. I have been without a job for 2 months and am isolated up here with no family. My step dad will be coming on wednesday to stay with us because he has landed some work up here so thats somthing to look forward to :) Still not sure if we will be heading back to the Gold Coast to have bub or have it up here at Mackay, depends what the Dr says. We have started antenatal classes and cannot beleive how many pregnant women there are in this community...we counted 23 couples, 20 of them who are having bubs for the first time, still haven't put myself out there and made any friends. Will be going home to mums for a week and the kids will be coming upi for holidays in 4 weeks. Nothing much else happening so I will leave you with some pics of bub.

10 Tiny Fingers and 10 Tiny Toes!

We had our 21 week ultrasound yesterday and everything looks perfect. I had been freaking out about this one as we went for a Drs app. 2 weeks ago and it took them a while to find the heart beat and the past week bubs movements have slowed down. The ultrasound tech said it was all normal and not to worry (I will still worry until bub comes out safetly). Just happy everything looked good yesterday! To add to all the excitment we found out what we are having....It's a BOY! We just need to get through the next 19weeks.

long time no posts...

yes I have been slack, so many things have happend this past month that I don't know where to start! We have been for our 12 week ultrasound and everything looks good with bub and is measuring a couple of days ahead of what we thought...he is a squirmer even the technichian had a hard time keeping up with him moving around. We also just went for our 14 week check up this morning and got to hear the heart beat for the first time, it was just magic! Toodles has accepted a job last Tuesday at Makay. She gets a mega pay rise, a house and possibly a car! The only catch is she has to move next week and they will be having someone come and pack up our house for us. The children will also have to stay with their father for the next 2 years as he has court orders to say they can't live away from the gold coast so we will be travelling back once a month and they will be flying up on holidays. There is sooo much to do and not enough time to do it all. I will be moving in with mum for 2 weeks while I finish work then Toodles will be coming back to get me. This next chapter of our life is so exciting and I can't wait to find out whats around the corner for us :)

babies and kittens

Things seem to be going well, all day sickness is really kicking my ass at the moment. On friday we brought home our new kitten Raven. I didn't realise looking after a kitten is like looking after a child. She cries when I leave the room and jumps up to follow me, I can't even be alone for five minutes with out her meowing and wanting to be picked up. I can't wait for this baby to come out so I can be a mummy :)

7 week ultrasound

On Thursday I went for the 7 week ultrasound, everything looked good and the baby is measuring only a day behind what we thought it would so the dr was very happy with that. Only one bub in there so less risk of complications. Our next ultrasound is in 5 weeks to test and make sure there are no abnormalties. Fingers crossed :)

Still Pregnant

Yes i'm still here and 7 weeks pregnant on Friday. It still doesn't feel real. I have an ultrasound on Thursday to see if it's one or two babies...I really don't feel that excited which is strange. I just don't think it has all sunk in yet, we will have a real live baby for christmas! (heres hoping everything goes ok). We are going camping for easter which sould be interesting as I vomit from the moment I wake up and get up on average 4 times a night to pee. Morning sickness has turned into all day sicknes but I am still so blessed that I can actually complain about pregnancy symptoms. I can't write much, i'm so tired and am struggling to string sentences together. Will post more after I have the ultrasound.

overwelmed

This is all overwelming, i'm not exactly sure how I feel...of course i'm happy but now I get to rest, I get a break from having hospital visits, injections and blood tests. I get to slow down and just be, it's a strange feeling, all our hard work has finally paid off. We now will get our baby and to be honest I am scared, I never really thought further then 'trying' to get a baby..I never actually thought about this working. I feel bad for the people who have been trying longer than we have and still don't have the family they pray for. Yes I am happy but I also feel strange, guilty and just not myself.

POSITIVE!

We are pregnant! I caved and took a test yesterday at home and it came up positive....I was in so much shock. I had my blood test today and my progesterone is at 190 when they were expecting around 100. So excited but it hasn't really sunk in yet. Will be going back for another blood test next Friday and an ultrasound in 4 weeks to see if it's one bubba or two. The baby will be due in December so I will be getting the best Christmas and Birthday present ever!

No AF yet..just need to make it to Friday!

Todays the day

This morning we had our 5th insemination, it went really well and I hardley even flinched...sadly I am getting better at this. I'm still wiped out on vallium though and Toodles had to go back to work, just about to pick up Bluey from school (thank *uck Pinky is having a sleep over, I can't deal with this shit). If this try fails we have one more vile of sperm then it's time for Operation IVF...god help us all if i'm injecting more drugs, I'm a bitch as it is. I am giving up on having a baby by christmas...this will mean 3 christmases have gone past that we have been trying. I wish that my F*#ked up body will just give me a break, seriously getting pregnant was not supposed to be this hard. I mean like women for thousands of years have been doing it without medical intervention....why am I so useless at it? It was bad enough that I couldn't carry a child to term and now to top it off i'm infertile! There were dramas getting my medicare rebate today because they have changed their benefits for assisted reproduction...yes I have reached my threshold but I still don't get 80% back....I love how we are treated as second class citizens in this respect...not to mention I already am a 'second class citizen' because I am gay. Like seriously, not getting pregnant is a medical problem too (apparently). Sometimes I really do keep forgeting the prize at the end of it, it's like I am going through the motions of injections, blood tests, scans and inseminations and I am looking in at myself because I am so disconnected to my body and emotions. When will it happen and when will all the medical interventions be over. When I was younger all I wanted was to be a mum, i'm sure if I knew this was in my future I would have run a mile. I think I am just over everything at the moment, I need to turn my brain off and stop thinking.

Round 5

I have been slack on posting this past week. The last cycle failed and I have started the Puregon needles again. I go back in for a scan tomorrow and hopefully inseminate in the coming week. I know it will happen for us soon it's just the waiting that is so frustrating. In the past month 2 females at work have come out and said there pregnant. Will I be the third?

Heres the 3rd bad thing!

Didn't I say that everything happens to me in threes? My boss gave me a letter yesterday to say she wants to meet with me about my work performance dropping...the kicker is that it is for this avo and she only let me know yesterday avo, way to kick me when i'm down! Anyway I'm at the point now where it's getting so hard to work here. My boss is still playing games with my head eg: taking my back up tapes and hiding them in her drawer, when I asked for them back she said she found all three sitting near the printer (I would never have them all out at once and I guard those tapes with my life!) She throws little tantrums about things and throws stuff around, when I am looking for a document it mysteriously turns up in my in-tray buried under piles of stuff.
Like seriously what sick person gets gratification from that>? Then she always puts on the act and is a sweet as pie! Anyways I'm getting over it..and we still don't even have aircon and it has gotten of 40 degrees here....so not healthy. I have got an interview this avo for an after school care and vacation care position which is just down the road from home..so hope I get it, it would be perfect. I would still be able to go to all my hospital appointments and not miss work and I am even willing to take a pay cut for this! I would love to be the stay at home mum during the day that can volunteer at the kids tuck shop and attend assemblies and sports carnivals...oh what the life.

The positives

Whenever I get down about anything i.e baby making or work, I need to keep reminding myself of all the things I have to be thankful for:
I'm healthy (for the most part anyway)
I have a roof over my head
I go to bed with a full belly at night
I have family that care about me
Even though I don't have my own baby I still have children and laughter in my life
I have a beautiful wife who makes sure I'm looked after...

Even when my boss disrespect me and belittles me I need to find the positives:
I have a huge glass window at my desk with a lovely shady mango tree out the front to look at
I can hear the birds chirping somewhere reminding me that there is life outside these fall walls
When I need to I can get a 'pick me up' by walking to the day centre where all the clients are and happy staff that greet me when I enter
For the most part I work with some awesome people who I have great laughs with
I am able to spend time at my desk blogging.

So you see things aren't all that bad, are they?

P.S. I peed on a stick this morning and it was negative, I'm only on day 9 so it still is possible that I could be pregnant (I will keep telling myself that).

second day of horribleness!

They say things always come in three...whens the third one going to drop? Today I crashed our bus into a parking meter, we lost the windows up the right side of the bus which resulted in me having a break down in the car park and the co-ordinators had to pick me up...not my finest hour I must say.

Am I?

Am I pregnant? I really do feel different this time around and more hopefull that I am. Sami from work thinks I am (she does tarot card readings and Phsycic readings), I just feel more in tune with myself at the moment. I must say this day has started out challenging though....Toodles had a rock put through her back window and it's costing $560 to fix! This is so not what I wanted when we are almost a month behind on the mortgage and have all our IUI expenses to top it off. Poor Bluey has a staph infection because of the poor living condition at his fathers, it started out as school sores and the antibiotics we got for him wasn't working so now it's so much worse. The school called me this morning saying he was sent to school sick with bloodshot, glazed over eyes and was vomiting. They were at there fathers last night and he dropped the kids off this morning, I think he may have overdosed Bluey on his antibiotics like he did to Pinky several months ago...grrr soooo mad! Yesterday we also found out he and his gf are getting married while over in America and their trip to Disney Land is only lasting a day (the second day after they get of a 12hr flight) and are making the children sit in a car for hrs a day while they travel...not to mention that they are going for 3 weeks and they will be off school for 2 of those weeks! Their father is the most irresponsible person I know and his partner is supposed to be a teacher! sorry I sould step of my 'vent' box now.

Insemination #4

On Friday the 29th January we had our 4th insemination attempt. I must say that this was my most chilled out attempt yet and I do have a positive feeling this time, but then again how many times have I said that? I did get a little nervous when the Drs started talking to me about IVF treatments when we hadn't even found out if it had worked or not but im still hopeful. We are on day 3 of the 2ww and have another 11 to go...have I mentioned that I hate waiting! I have just been so more relaxed this month so am hoping that helps. Fingers crossed!

It's all systems go for tomorrow!

Scan

Well todays scan went very well and I have a 16mm folicle...Yay! This means that we are either inseminating tomorrow or Saturday which is 5 days earlier then normal as today is only day nine! Way to go little eggies.

Cycle number 4

Well I started my 4th cycle last week on Wednesday and my FSH dosage has changed to 50ml and I am now on Folitropian instead of Gonal F. I have actually been feeling pretty positive about the whole needle thing and am going for my first blood test on Thursday and then a scan later in the day. I have been spending alot of time with Pinky and Bluey latley and have really been enjoying it and just hanging out and Toodles and I have been getting along better. Not much to report on at the moment except that life is going great for me at the moment and I am so thankful for what I do have.

The Kiddies are back!

I picked Pinky and Bluey up at 10am when I was supposed to be running errands for work and took them for ice-cream, now they are hanging out with Toodles mum till I finish. I actually am happy they are back...but I really did enjoy my break though. Poor Pinky has school sores down her leg that are blisstered and they cut all her hair off up to her ears because she got head lice from mixing with their fathers, gfs nices and nephews. They always come back with something...oh and they shaved Blueys head because we gave him a mohwak for the holidays. The poor kids are so skinny you can see their ribs because they have been living off an organic diet with no milk or meat for the past 3 months...Today they have started 'fatty boot camp' and I'm hoping they put on weight before school because they really do look neglected.

obsessions take over lives!

Well here I am once again waiting for aunt flo to arrive then waiting for blood tests, then the scans and then finally insemination, after all that I will the be once again waiting for a positive pregnancy result and pretending to keep it together when it's a negative. When is enough, enough? I am terrified just thinking about whats to come over the next month, I hate being touched and the last time I saw the nurses was when my veins collapsed and I broke down in the drs office and they told me I need a break. I am so desperate to have a baby that I just switch of and let them do all the poking and prodding they want...I can't explain the hoplesness I feel, it has been 5 months since we first started and I am not infertile but now I am classed as having infertility problems. It doesn't help when Toodles keeps reminding me how easily she got pregnant like she wasn't even trying. Every second person seems to be pregnant but here I still am, I still remember when my brother told me they were expecting..we had been trying for a yr and here I am still with no baby and there daughter is almost 4 months old! Why me?