Thursday, February 25, 2010

Todays the day

This morning we had our 5th insemination, it went really well and I hardley even flinched...sadly I am getting better at this. I'm still wiped out on vallium though and Toodles had to go back to work, just about to pick up Bluey from school (thank *uck Pinky is having a sleep over, I can't deal with this shit). If this try fails we have one more vile of sperm then it's time for Operation IVF...god help us all if i'm injecting more drugs, I'm a bitch as it is. I am giving up on having a baby by christmas...this will mean 3 christmases have gone past that we have been trying. I wish that my F*#ked up body will just give me a break, seriously getting pregnant was not supposed to be this hard. I mean like women for thousands of years have been doing it without medical intervention....why am I so useless at it? It was bad enough that I couldn't carry a child to term and now to top it off i'm infertile! There were dramas getting my medicare rebate today because they have changed their benefits for assisted reproduction...yes I have reached my threshold but I still don't get 80% back....I love how we are treated as second class citizens in this respect...not to mention I already am a 'second class citizen' because I am gay. Like seriously, not getting pregnant is a medical problem too (apparently). Sometimes I really do keep forgeting the prize at the end of it, it's like I am going through the motions of injections, blood tests, scans and inseminations and I am looking in at myself because I am so disconnected to my body and emotions. When will it happen and when will all the medical interventions be over. When I was younger all I wanted was to be a mum, i'm sure if I knew this was in my future I would have run a mile. I think I am just over everything at the moment, I need to turn my brain off and stop thinking.

2 comments:

請吃飯 said...

來給你加油打氣!!!保重!!! ........................................

Nora Dalasta said...

Hey, Miss K,
Seeing as how you are pretty irreverent in your blog (i love it! :), you should read this book I just read called Knocked Up, Knocked Down. The author is super honest and open about her experiences with miscarriage and the book actually made me laugh out loud in some places. She has a super sassy blog too: knockedupknockeddownblogspot.com
Take Care and suck on lemon heads. That always helped to curb my nausea with my first!