obsessions take over lives!

Well here I am once again waiting for aunt flo to arrive then waiting for blood tests, then the scans and then finally insemination, after all that I will the be once again waiting for a positive pregnancy result and pretending to keep it together when it's a negative. When is enough, enough? I am terrified just thinking about whats to come over the next month, I hate being touched and the last time I saw the nurses was when my veins collapsed and I broke down in the drs office and they told me I need a break. I am so desperate to have a baby that I just switch of and let them do all the poking and prodding they want...I can't explain the hoplesness I feel, it has been 5 months since we first started and I am not infertile but now I am classed as having infertility problems. It doesn't help when Toodles keeps reminding me how easily she got pregnant like she wasn't even trying. Every second person seems to be pregnant but here I still am, I still remember when my brother told me they were expecting..we had been trying for a yr and here I am still with no baby and there daughter is almost 4 months old! Why me?