One day to go!

We did another test in the early of of this morning, you know those ones with the writting that actually say 'not pregnant' (just to rub it in a bit more). Tomorrow my favourite aunty, flo is expected to show herself...not too thrilled about that. I really don't know what else I can do but save up for a year so the we can start on the clinical path..am so not looking forward to tyring to concieve our 'love child' in such a sterile environmet. A little bit down about everything today. The reality of having another babyless christmas is setting in if we aren't preg by next month, I really am not looking forward to it. The kids are home with us this year for christmas and we were excited about all of us having our first christmas together with the bub, now it looks like if we are lucky to have one it won't be till next year and the whole family will be split up for christmas :( I also wanted a bub badley this month so that it would be so close in age to my brothers bub. Oh well, you can't dictate to these things can you. I am starting to think that it will never happen. Am I being punnished for something, is this gods way of punnishing me because im gay?