Tonights the night!!

Tonight will be our fourth insemination attempt. I'm nervous and excited at the same time, it will be the first attempt without KS being their and I really hope it won't be awkward (we have to give him our room to do his 'thing' in tonight'. I really hope it works, I can't take another dissapointment and I don't think Toodles could either. Last night KS and I had a chat on the way to McDonalds and she told me how she is going to be struggling these next few days as Friday the 13th is a special day for her a DD. They got together on a friday the 13th, he proposed to her on friday the 13th and they were due to get married next month on friday the 13th. Now I feel really bad that im 'stealing' her day. We havent told her that we are using him tonight and we kinda lied and said that we were doing something special for valentines day and to clear out. I've just got mixed feeling about the whole situation. I only just found out she misscarried a week ago, why do babies have to die? I'm scared that even if we do get pregnant there is a long road to the finish line...I can't get excited till I have the baby in my arms. I wish I was still innocent and niave so I could just enjoy it!