Monday, November 16, 2009

No baby miracle for Christmas, Happy F****n Anniversary!

I guess it wasn't ment to be this year. AF came with a vengance on Saturday, I was 2 days late and I am NEVER late. I guess we got our hopes up, I have been clotting more then usual so am still going to go to my drs appointment tomorrow morning at the clinic. I'm just a little bit sad because we said we would have a baby by last christmas and were so sure that we would at least be preg by this christmas. I know I will be upset christmas morning...hell I was upset last chrisrmas morning but there is nothing I can do, I've had my chances this year and it didnt work. I feel like I have failed Toodles, I can't even keep my promise to her...its our anniversary today and we both felt like crap. Toodles wants me to try again this month meaning that I would have to start needles tomorrow..I can't do it, I need to give my body a break...I just feel sore and broken, I have only just gotten rid of my bruises on my tummy from all the needles and my arms from the blood tests. To top it all off I am officially classed as infertile, in other words my body is too fu**ed up to even make a baby. Over the past year and a half my whole life has revolved around baby making, if I give it up i'm lost..what do I have to aim towards? I need to find myself again.

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