Tuesday, December 23, 2008

There should be three!

Don't get me wrong I love being gay, I really do. I love my Toodles, I love her kids and I love our lifestyle. However I do resent straight couples, especially straight pregnant women...and yeah I guess I resent Toodles as well, she got to pretend for a few years and got 2 beautiful children out of it. How is that fair! I can't just have sex every night, it all has to be planned out..charting, peeing on sticks, basil temperatures, looking for any sign of mucus to tell me that i'm ovulating, then I get one lousy night a month to get it right...thats only 12 nights a year (providing DD doesnt wank himself off, have sex or is busy around the time we need him). Really I have more chance of winning the lottery! I do know in the straight world there are people out there who have their fair share of disapointment and grief aswell (i'm not that niave), and to anyone who has experienced infertility, miscarriage or loss of a child i'm am so sorry, life is a bitch!

Last night we had christmas with pinkie and bluey because they went to their fathers today. They had a blast (will post pics soon) there was wrapping paper and toys everywhere..only just finished cleaning up. They are so spoilt...i think it's because Toodles still feels guilty from taking them away from their father. Anyways all was going great, the kids had gone to bed and we were loading up their christmas sacks and placing presents around their trees, thats when it hit me 'we should be doing this for three kids!'. I broke down crying..I don't mean just a few tears but huge sobs. Poor Toodles didn't know what was wrong with me, when I told her she gave me a look that said 'get over it'. It's alright for her, she has 2 kids..she has experienced the lot. I know she wants a bub of our own but I don't think she gets how hard it is for me. Yes she is on the 2WW rollercoaster with me everytime and always gets her hopes up only to be let down, she inseminates the baby juice herself and is with me everystep of the way...but at the end of the day if us having a bubba doesn't work out she still has two beautiful children.

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